"Guarding the gates of heaven isn't as sexy as it seems. There's no room for creativity. You must judge everyone by the Ten Commandments (which you were provided in a handy-dandy pamphlet on your first day). And if you mess up, God's always right there breathing down your back. God is such a busybody.
Anyway, it's not an easy job, but someone's got to do it. You've mysteriously been chosen from among the millions of souls lounging around the Eternal Rest day spa. If you're ready for an adventure, then you should probably calm down, because it's time to settle into a fat desk and sort through the paperwork of the deceased. Good luck."
